The Longest Post Ever or 'Is Rita under that pile of unicorns?'

So...we did a thing.

We had a game against the Ithaca League of Women Rollers (how badass is that name?) this past Saturday. Most of our team traveled up by plane. However, three of us were nutty enough to drive up. Devlin Syder, Hitsteria, and myself rented a car and set out. (Really, we were too broke to fly.) So we decided to make a little vacation out of it and take a trip to NYC on the way there.

We left Thursday evening, with our eyes set on the destination. We had a little napsy in PA somewhere. (I napped rather longer as I was helming the backseat. We arrived in the NYC area around 10. Thanks to an expert tip from my friend Freddy, we parked in Jersey City and took the Path train to the World Trade Center. After some brief sightseeing (a scooter van, the new WTC building is nearly done, saw where Bane and his cronies broke into the NYSE in Dark Knight Rises), we set about figuring out the MTA and heading to Brooklyn. Multipass!

Hits, who spends much time on the internet, pointed us down Graham Ave and we made a beeline for Five Stride.

This dude was just chilling on the bench out front.

There were no Bont boots in her size (she is really interested in getting Bonts), but the expert OMG showed her an option that would suit her foot. We all made our purchases (a Five Stride shirt and toe caps for me!) and asked OMG for a good place to get pizza. She told us Carmine's was a popular option, so there we went.

This sign was over the back bathroom.

I had the white pizza which was exquisite. The bathroom was a closet and some sunglasses may have leapt for freedom.

Back onto the train (Multipass!) and we headed to meet my friend Freddy for coffee. We had our coffees by the Seaport, which offered views of tourists and acrobats alike. I took a photo of a couple performing the Argentine tango for my mom. We walked Freddy back to work and tooled around lower Manhattan for a bit. Here are the greatest hits in photo form.

The Wall St bull. It's apparently hip to take a photo fondling his testicles. There was someone doing so when I took the photo.

The Brooklyn Battery Tunnel Ventilation building or something. Also known as the MIB headquarters.

The side of the Statue of Liberty once the cruise ship had finished obscuring her.

That is a squirrel.

We then set off to meet Devlin's friend Daniel. Daniel is a straight fashion designer, in New York. He is an endangered species. We met him for drinks at the Heartland Brewery in Union Square. I had a house root beer and it was delicious. I also sampled the pumpkin beer which was less delicious.

We parted ways with Daniel and realized we all sort of had to pee. We set about finding a bathroom, which are uncommon in New York. The 3-story Whole Foods provided us no relief. I suggested we go visit the Panera and I'd buy something with my reward card, but we pressed on to Canal St to do some shopping. I did purchase some pashminas in Union Square for my mother and myself.

When we reached the Canal St stop, Devlin and I made haste toward the 3-story McDonald's (sense a theme here?) across the street to use the restroom. We may have abandoned Hits a bit, but there were more pressing matters to attend to. Upon leaving McD's, we plunged into the sketchiness that is Canal St. I realized that most of our phones were dead and we were headed into a non-English speaking area. I grew uneasy, but my paranoia was for naught. We headed into Little Italy, which turns out to be a series of restaurants where men forcibly try to seat you for dinner and the shops are all run by the Asians of Chinatown. We made some small purchases (Hits found herself a fanny pack). But we elected to to move our party on up to Times Square.

When we escalated out of the station, it looked like daytime. Even the TGIF was covered in neon. Apparently cool thing to do is dress like a famous character and take pictures with people for tips. Devlin purchased herself a Swatch watch. We wandered past ads for Broadway shows.

We made our way to 30 Rockefeller Center where I got starstruck by a building. I love the show 30 Rock, so it was an honor to see where it is set and shot. We saw the Lego store where they had a miniature of the plaza area featuring all sorts of inappropriate Lego people. We visited the H&M on our way to Central Park.

Yes, Central Park. We went maybe 100 yards into the park. There was a bum asleep on a bench, an Asian couple making out, and very many rats. I ran up a giant rock before Devlin dragged us out fearing mugging, kidnapping, and other atrocities. After our Central Park adventure, we made our way back to the WTC to catch the Path train back to Jersey. By this time, I was so sleepy, I was delirious. I knew that I could not fall asleep in a train station then.

We made it back to our hotel in Parsippany, NJ and then a cheeseburger appeared in front of me and I ate it, Hasselhoff-style.

Ithaca

We left the next day for Ithaca. Hilarity ensued. Gaps are always funny, you guys.

I am not responsible for this.

But, of course, we were there to play roller derby. In a "semi-outdoor" facility. Speculation as to what that meant began some time ago.

It turned out to be a de-iced hockey rink. It was covered, but not totally walled in. The ILWR can only have home bouts when the rink is de-iced, from about May to early October. Of course, it was super cold Saturday. The temperature seemed to have dropped specifically for our visit. It was 80 in NYC the day before, and apparently warmER the day before in Ithaca. But when we arrived, it was a brisk 53, only getting colder as the sun disappeared.

The floor was also slick as butter. I wish I'd brought the outdoor wheels I have. Warm-ups were rough, but blocking wasn't so bad.

The game started well, the first several jams went back and forth with neither team gaining more than two points per jam. And then they got a powerjam and things swung in their favor. Though we've gotten better with penalties, Ithaca was better than us. We never got a powerjam on them and it showed. We did put forth a strong showing in the second half. And even more excitingly, I was called upon to jam when the rest of our jammers were either in penalty trouble, tired, or on the track. I jammed several times and managed to do some stuff.

Fast forward to the afterparty. It was a rousing event at the Chanticleer in downtown Ithaca. Upon arrival, they handed us glow sticks and drink tickets. We made the dancing. There were whiskey slaps. We took custody of some unicorns. There was an after-afterparty, which we also won. I was informed that we lasted longer than Montreal, so using the transitive property, we beat Montreal at afterpartying.

On the way back, we had a total of 6 unicorns in the car. Which is many. I napped in a pile of unicorns and I'm better for it.

I'm Not Dead Yet!

I'm sure you've all been speculating (all 4 of you) what I'm up to. The short answer is EVERYTHING. I have not had full-time access to a computer and blogging is kind of low on the priority list. I apologize for that.

I intend to do a sort of timeline blog, an update of what I've been up to since my last post (it was a month and a half ago). I will also be reviewing my new wheels, the Rollerbones Nylon Speed 86s!

Since my last post, I've skated in two bouts, participated in some events, and gone to countless practices. I hope to convey that to you all real soon.

How I Feel About Scrum Starts

So roller derby today involves a lot of scrum starts. They look sort of like rugby scrums (not that most of us have played rugby.) The top teams are all doing scrum starts. The strategy has funneled down to teams all over the world. I don't like scrum starts.

As a jammer, I don't like them because it seems to involve a lot of illegal contact. Watch Bonnie Thunders attack a wall in a scrum. The best jammers literally push with their thighs against the asses of the wall of blockers. This takes a lot of faith in your opponents. If they wobble, the jammer risks getting a backblock minor. If they fall, it can be a major. The fact that the jammer is initiating contact to the ass of the blocker is illegal. I was jamming in an invitational when I made incidental contact to the back of a blocker with my thigh. She didn't wobble, but I was still assessed a minor backblock. I don't want to risk fate any more than that.

As a blocker, scrums are chaotic. It's 10 people in like 2 square feet of space. The jammer seems to escape from my wall. So the jammer is escaping and the wall of blockers is almost at a standstill. You don't have the momentum to catch her.

If you ask me what I want when I'm jamming, I will not say a scrum. I want you guys to take off the line, so I have room to get some momentum and get my head in the right space. I know I'm part of a team, so if scrums are what we're gonna down, I'm gonna put my all into scrums. But I'm secretly praying the new ruleset kills them.

Practice Tonight

...was friggin rough. And since I feel that strife and pain make the best blogging AND I owe you guys a post, here we go.

So I had fondue with my dear aunt and granny this evening at the Melting Pot, but I did have to cut it short to open the Warehouse for Open Skate. I am severely low on sleep (I reckon I got 2 hours last night thanks to the heat) and had a ridiculous sort of day at work. I tried to nap but managed less than an hour of nappage. So I'd considered just opening up for Open Skate then going home, but of course, I got a ride there and was scooter-less.

So I skated through a practice that killed my toe (it's still recovering after its toenail problem) and twerked my bad foot. I stayed for the A-team portion of the evening which had me coming up the loser in a number of wheel locks. (I'm still getting used to skating with these individuals.) I took a nasty fall right onto my ass. The very same ass I broke all those years ago. Spasms of pain, tears in my eyes, totally winded...I needed a second to get back up. I think maybe my trucks are still too loose. My skates still felt squirrelly on my feet.

Anyway, my night was shit. I feel like hell. This was not an excellent start of a bout week. And I've got another 7 am shift tomorrow.

BUT: nobody smacked me right in my shoulder. I haven't broken any trucks in a few weeks. Tomorrow night's B-Dazz practice is being led by Fister. Moll Adjusted made the roster to play Star City (yay!). I dipped many delightful things into chocolate. I'm almost positive my ass is not re-broken. And my bed is calling me.

Thanks for staying through the bitching. Things will be better tomorrow.

Heat and Water

So I've mentioned that I live in Charlotte. And that I practice in an unairconditioned warehouse. It's really important to hydrate, but replenishing electrolytes is also important. I've studied the subject a little and I know that there's a lot of words I don't understand involved in the science, but I understand the principles.

Exercise takes a lot out of the human body. Drinking water is good, but it's not enough. If you're leaving sweat stains on the floor, you should probably replenish.

There's a lot of science to how much you need. You shouldn't try to over-replenish. Your body naturally refuels on its own. If you try to put too much in, your body will totally stop refueling.

When most people think electrolytes, they think Gatorade. But it's far from the only option. Coconut water is gaining notoriety these days, but I have a big problem with it. Coconut water tastes disgusting. Luckily they come in delightful flavors. I like O.N.E. Coconut Water's Pink Guava flavor. There's a flavor for everyone.

My other favorite option is a powder. I tried a couple different ones before I discovered Ultima. It's sold at the Healthy Home Market (I haven't found it anywhere else yet) and comes in several flavors. My favorite is grape. The different flavors do have different levels of electrolytes though. It's sweetened with stevia and natural flavors. Instructions say to add it to 8-12 oz of water, but that's a little strong for me. I add it to my 25 oz water bottle and go.

The difference between when I replenish electrolytes and when I don't is noticeable. It's the difference between feeling engaged and present in practice instead of feeling sluggish.

If you've found other ways to hydrate and replenish, let me know. I'm happy to try out other things!

Today, The Derby Happened

This was perhaps the best bout ever. (That almost became "boutiest," which is not even remotely a word.) Both CLTRG teams posted wins. The All-Stars won a sanctioned game and B-Dazz beat their rivals. I got an MVP award. I could not be more pleased or exhausted. I promise for this post to be fully written manana.

Update: Awake and refreshed this day.

I would now like to tell you about the day that was yesterday.

I did not feel on it all day. Setup was confusing. I had no clear plan of what I wanted for lunch. I did a sort of driveby past Lacey and Sassy teaching their pseudo-son Armando to use the atm. I had an interesting talk with a leaguemate I cried some. I thought about the last time we played Charleston. I wasn't even sure I wanted to play. I felt low.

Team warm-ups made it better. For the first time ever, our B-team bout was to be second. So we did our offskates warm-ups upstairs. It was clear we weren't exactly taking it seriously. So, we had a little dance party. I think that really got everybody pumped up. This may be a new tradition.

Our onskates warm-ups felt a little scattered. I don't think anybody was focused. I know I was contributing, but I couldn't get into a better head space. A teammate got some bad news that morning and was trying to get herself right.

The A-team bout started off well. They took a knee at the jammer line in the first jam, got lead and scored a quick 14 points. That was exciting. It's nice to see our All-Stars be rockstars. They continued to dominate the whole game. After the first half, I didn't want to get too involved in the game or tire myself from watching, so I went and chilled in the locker room and started to get geared up.

We decided to try a scrum start in the first jam to get lead fast, but that sort of backfired on us. However it became a powerjam or something. I think it was in that jam when our jammer, Hitstera, was charioting off me and I hit one of the blockers out of her way and opened up a whole and then swung across and hit another one of their blockers and cleared a wide path for her. That was one of my favorite moments from the evening. We posted 9 points or something on that jam.

I jammed a lot last night. Pretty successfully too. I didn't really get stuck in the pack for too long. I did go down a few times, but I absorbed more blocks than that. They were hitting me, but it just wasn't strong enough. We took an early and managed to increase it. We got up 50 points and really started making it happen. Charleston seemed to get a little desperate. There were a lot of jams I saw where they got lead, but didn't call it immediately and scored points but let us score too. There were a bunch of jams that were basically 1-0 for them, but after we'd gotten a significant lead.

My second favorite moment of the night was in the last jam. They called a timeout when there was something like 28.7 seconds on the period clock, so we got one more jam. Leah/Hits jammed and I was blocking. I think Alley Capone and Mustang Stella were out there. It turned into a powerjam. I kept telling them not to chase goats and just caboose instead. At one point, "NO PACK" was called and Ringo Stardust turns around and skates backwards in reforming. The game was won at this point. I just looked at her and smiled.

Great job to both teams. It was amazing to have two wins for a home crowd.

The afterparty was lackluster. We were promised karaoke but that did not happen. So we had dry chicken instead. And after all my hard work, I received an award. The "Unforeseen Threat" award. I suppose that's a Most Improved kind of thing from February to now. Also, we sort of stormed Jackalope's next door as they had karaoke and I got some free Rock of Ages swag, but the karaoke machine went down and would not come back before I could sing. I did get to hear O. Fine's rendition of "Baby Got Back" which is on the list of my favorite things in the world.

Here it is, a tiny skateboard.
Sorry it's sideways, I apparently can't rotate it here.
In case you were wondering, the trucks don't pivot.

So, that's the picture. Let me explain. I'm on the Bout Production committee. I've noticed that in the NFL, MVPs get like a Corvette as their award. I thought it would be clever if we did little toy cars, as in, 'Here's your free car." MVP Jammer got a little sports car. MVP Blocker got like a Hummer. The Unforeseen Threat award was an idea we kind of took from Charleston. Thanks, guys! And our head of BP, Tasty Murder, wanted to have it be like a white windowless "Creeper Van." But hey, the store doesn't sell them. So it's a skateboard instead. What's more unforeseen than a skateboard? And Hell Vetica Bold found this website that prints these little cards, hence the tag. On the reverse, it has the logos of both teams and the date.

I set this goal for myself, that I would consider moving up to the Charter when I received an MVP award, because it would then mean that my peers were also recognizing my growth. It might be time.

Roller Derby Saved My Soul

Hi, my name is Rita and I play roller derby. I joined the Charlotte Roller Girls almost two years ago and made my debut this past Feburary. I have given a lot to roller derby and my league, but they have given me just as much. I couldn't ask for a better group of women to skate circles with several nights a week. Sure, we have our disagreements, but we're doing this thing together and I respect that.

Roller derby lets me live a world outside the norm, and not just because of the shiny pants and fierce name. I'm a little bit neurotic, truly. I probably have OCD, and my rituals tend to interfere with my daily life. I'm also a bit of a germaphobe. That, coupled with the fact that I work in food service, means A LOT of hand washing. I always have several bottles of hand sanitizer with me.

But derby cancels that out. Our Warehouse is our home, but it's got its challenges. There's bugs that crawl across the track sometimes. There's bit of cobweb that float down from the rafters during practice. There's dust in the corners that we just can't clean. But when I'm at practice, I don't care. I left my mouthguard in the Warehouse (on the floor, of course) for more than a week and when I found it, I put it back in my mouth. Building up my immune system, you know?

I've come to terms with turning left most of the time, since I did so many right turns back when I danced. I figure my equilibrium is balanced enough now.

I have a little quirk about cracks. I won't go into it because it will only make me obsess about it more, but if I step on cracks, I freak out. Needless to say, there are cracks in the floor. I don't notice them. I don't get all obsessed and have to go even things up.

Roller derby has strengthened my muscles. It has increased my determination and drive. It is a hobby that has given me several other hobbies. It has given me a network of friends and family. And it has made my brain calm down. There's no room for neuroses when you have to kill the jammer.