Yes, I Can!

You know, the other day, I experienced a lapse in faith. I started thinking that I wasn't ready to pass assessments, I wasn't ready to become a granny. I doubted my abilities. I doubted everything.

And it totally screwed me.

Gone was the, "I am GOING to pass assessments" mentality. In its place was, "I don't think I can."

It was not a good thing. I screwed up some stuff on Sunday that I really should not have. And then Monday night was just a marathon of suck. I was frightened of what mysterious things a granny practice would reveal.

(Ok, I had a brief hiatus because my cat decided I could not blog, I had to love her.)

Anyway, it was all bullshit. Doubting myself caused me to screw up. I went into last night, still nervous, but more positive about my chances, and it made a huge difference. I was able to execute several successful plow stops, my derby stance was better, it was just generally a better mindset.

It's ok to be scared, but it's not ok to let that prevent me from trying my absolute best. Yeah, I'm not as practiced with some of these skills, but that doesn't mean I can't try.

Also, I went down the list of skills and instead of agonizing over what I didn't pass, I congratulated myself on what I did pass. I got my 25 in 5. I didn't know if I'd be able to do that. That was a big deal. I passed every single fall. And I didn't put my hands on the floor during a single one. Single-knee left and right; single-knee, 180 degree; baseball slide; "6-point"...I did all of those. I'm proud of that. I passed stepping and hopping. I passed focusing. I passed my rules test. Every single one of these things is an accomplishment.

So I'm glad the lights went out last night. Gave me time to reflect before I go hit some bitches!