The Longest Post Ever or 'Is Rita under that pile of unicorns?'

So...we did a thing.

We had a game against the Ithaca League of Women Rollers (how badass is that name?) this past Saturday. Most of our team traveled up by plane. However, three of us were nutty enough to drive up. Devlin Syder, Hitsteria, and myself rented a car and set out. (Really, we were too broke to fly.) So we decided to make a little vacation out of it and take a trip to NYC on the way there.

We left Thursday evening, with our eyes set on the destination. We had a little napsy in PA somewhere. (I napped rather longer as I was helming the backseat. We arrived in the NYC area around 10. Thanks to an expert tip from my friend Freddy, we parked in Jersey City and took the Path train to the World Trade Center. After some brief sightseeing (a scooter van, the new WTC building is nearly done, saw where Bane and his cronies broke into the NYSE in Dark Knight Rises), we set about figuring out the MTA and heading to Brooklyn. Multipass!

Hits, who spends much time on the internet, pointed us down Graham Ave and we made a beeline for Five Stride.

This dude was just chilling on the bench out front.

There were no Bont boots in her size (she is really interested in getting Bonts), but the expert OMG showed her an option that would suit her foot. We all made our purchases (a Five Stride shirt and toe caps for me!) and asked OMG for a good place to get pizza. She told us Carmine's was a popular option, so there we went.

This sign was over the back bathroom.

I had the white pizza which was exquisite. The bathroom was a closet and some sunglasses may have leapt for freedom.

Back onto the train (Multipass!) and we headed to meet my friend Freddy for coffee. We had our coffees by the Seaport, which offered views of tourists and acrobats alike. I took a photo of a couple performing the Argentine tango for my mom. We walked Freddy back to work and tooled around lower Manhattan for a bit. Here are the greatest hits in photo form.

The Wall St bull. It's apparently hip to take a photo fondling his testicles. There was someone doing so when I took the photo.

The Brooklyn Battery Tunnel Ventilation building or something. Also known as the MIB headquarters.

The side of the Statue of Liberty once the cruise ship had finished obscuring her.

That is a squirrel.

We then set off to meet Devlin's friend Daniel. Daniel is a straight fashion designer, in New York. He is an endangered species. We met him for drinks at the Heartland Brewery in Union Square. I had a house root beer and it was delicious. I also sampled the pumpkin beer which was less delicious.

We parted ways with Daniel and realized we all sort of had to pee. We set about finding a bathroom, which are uncommon in New York. The 3-story Whole Foods provided us no relief. I suggested we go visit the Panera and I'd buy something with my reward card, but we pressed on to Canal St to do some shopping. I did purchase some pashminas in Union Square for my mother and myself.

When we reached the Canal St stop, Devlin and I made haste toward the 3-story McDonald's (sense a theme here?) across the street to use the restroom. We may have abandoned Hits a bit, but there were more pressing matters to attend to. Upon leaving McD's, we plunged into the sketchiness that is Canal St. I realized that most of our phones were dead and we were headed into a non-English speaking area. I grew uneasy, but my paranoia was for naught. We headed into Little Italy, which turns out to be a series of restaurants where men forcibly try to seat you for dinner and the shops are all run by the Asians of Chinatown. We made some small purchases (Hits found herself a fanny pack). But we elected to to move our party on up to Times Square.

When we escalated out of the station, it looked like daytime. Even the TGIF was covered in neon. Apparently cool thing to do is dress like a famous character and take pictures with people for tips. Devlin purchased herself a Swatch watch. We wandered past ads for Broadway shows.

We made our way to 30 Rockefeller Center where I got starstruck by a building. I love the show 30 Rock, so it was an honor to see where it is set and shot. We saw the Lego store where they had a miniature of the plaza area featuring all sorts of inappropriate Lego people. We visited the H&M on our way to Central Park.

Yes, Central Park. We went maybe 100 yards into the park. There was a bum asleep on a bench, an Asian couple making out, and very many rats. I ran up a giant rock before Devlin dragged us out fearing mugging, kidnapping, and other atrocities. After our Central Park adventure, we made our way back to the WTC to catch the Path train back to Jersey. By this time, I was so sleepy, I was delirious. I knew that I could not fall asleep in a train station then.

We made it back to our hotel in Parsippany, NJ and then a cheeseburger appeared in front of me and I ate it, Hasselhoff-style.

Ithaca

We left the next day for Ithaca. Hilarity ensued. Gaps are always funny, you guys.

I am not responsible for this.

But, of course, we were there to play roller derby. In a "semi-outdoor" facility. Speculation as to what that meant began some time ago.

It turned out to be a de-iced hockey rink. It was covered, but not totally walled in. The ILWR can only have home bouts when the rink is de-iced, from about May to early October. Of course, it was super cold Saturday. The temperature seemed to have dropped specifically for our visit. It was 80 in NYC the day before, and apparently warmER the day before in Ithaca. But when we arrived, it was a brisk 53, only getting colder as the sun disappeared.

The floor was also slick as butter. I wish I'd brought the outdoor wheels I have. Warm-ups were rough, but blocking wasn't so bad.

The game started well, the first several jams went back and forth with neither team gaining more than two points per jam. And then they got a powerjam and things swung in their favor. Though we've gotten better with penalties, Ithaca was better than us. We never got a powerjam on them and it showed. We did put forth a strong showing in the second half. And even more excitingly, I was called upon to jam when the rest of our jammers were either in penalty trouble, tired, or on the track. I jammed several times and managed to do some stuff.

Fast forward to the afterparty. It was a rousing event at the Chanticleer in downtown Ithaca. Upon arrival, they handed us glow sticks and drink tickets. We made the dancing. There were whiskey slaps. We took custody of some unicorns. There was an after-afterparty, which we also won. I was informed that we lasted longer than Montreal, so using the transitive property, we beat Montreal at afterpartying.

On the way back, we had a total of 6 unicorns in the car. Which is many. I napped in a pile of unicorns and I'm better for it.

A Compendium

So...I failed to post about scrimmage last night. It was largely underwhelming. I jammed a bit, and then we played against the A-team. I received a backblock penalty when I was hit into another skater. But alas. I stayed for endurance. Also, there were ref assessments. They all passed. Yay Zeebs!

Tonight was better. Our captains incorporated some of Bonnie's teachings. It was good to try to employ it again. We also split up into jammers and blockers and blockers worked on v-walls while jammers worked on shielding.

We did a lot of scrills tonight. We did some during the new granny clinic. We did some 4 corners. We did some five-on-five, it was all valuable. I had a really good moment where I juked someone. I noticed she was all over me, and I figured, "Ok, I been working on this, time to try it out." I don't remember if I faked in and went out or vice versa, but it worked. I got around one of our strong blockers who was giving me trouble.

I enjoyed practice and can't wait for Thursday. Also the roster comes out tonight, whoo!

Charleston

So I bet you've been looking forward to my debut, right? I certainly have. I skated with grace and poise in neon this past Saturday.

This multi-colored beast is Jammer-Rita!

We had a doubleheader down in Charleston. It was filled with all kinds of excitement (Bill Murray asked my boyfriend for directions). While, both Charlotte teams lost in points, the B-Dazzlers won the second half (scoring 80 points) and the All-Stars won the dancing portion of the evening.

I wasn't nervous. Oddly. I got nervous for like a second during some jam where I was blocking, but it passed. It was like skating at a scrimmage. It was like there was no crowd and no scoreboard. I skated hard. I jammed a few times, but mostly I hit people. Charleston people. I hit their jammers a lot.

Most of the bout is kind of a blur, but I remember bits of it. Mostly I remember encountering walls of pink. I tried to blend in with my pink tights, but they were not fooled.

It was not only my first bout, but it was my derby wife's (Devlin Syder) first bout back after her injury. We got to skate together occasionally.

Here we are on the pivot line!

I did get lead jammer at least once. Although when I tried to call it off, I received a penalty. I'm not so sure about that call. I think I was actually tripped, but que se ra se ra.

I can't think of any other highlights (sorry guys), and I've got to get ready for scrimmage. Thank you for reading!

Roller Girl Gift Guide

Since we're still on break from practice, here is a break from my usual posting. It's a little after the holidays, but still works for birthdays, derbyversaries, Cinco de Mayo...

This is by no means a comprehensive guide, this is based on my own personal experience and what I've observed from the roller girls around me. Also, this is mostly for Significant Others of Roller Girls (SORGs), but it applies to other relations as well.

If you really love her, two words, Rollercon tickets. Has she got those? Plane tickets to Vegas would be a great companion gift. But, if your lady can't get the time off work or whatever, here are some other ideas.


Wheels make a great gift, but there are as many kinds of wheels as they are roller girls. So what do you get her? Do you know what she skates on? If not, I know this is counter-intuitive, but open the gear bag. Can you see the skates? Can you get them out or are they tetris'd in there so tight that only she can get them out? If you can get them out, look at the wheels. Can you read the manufacturer on the wheel? It could on the outside of the wheel, or the inside near the truck. Has it worn off? Well, at least remember what color they are.

Ask the derby wife. She's a valuable resource. Do you know who her derby wife is? If you can look in her phone contacts, it'll be someone with a name like, "boom," "slam," "block," "beat"... and maybe a heart next to it. If not, look on Facebook. On whose page does she post videos of derby and new gear and rules updates? Who is the girl in the league shirt hugging your woman in all her pictures?

Ask the derby wife what kind of wheels your girl has/wants. Chances are good she's said to this individual either:
-"I love my ______, but they're going bald."
OR -"Have you heard about the ________, I'd love to try them."

"But Rita, I just bought her new wheels for Flag Day, now she needs something for her birthday/I can't read these bald-ass things and her derby wife has no clue."
If you answered number one, congrats on being the best SORG ever. If you answered number two, that's ok. If you managed to look at the skate, does she need new toe guards/duct tape? Stocking stuffer! Team colors, please.

OR there's the world of bearings. They're tricky, but every girl could use an extra set. If you girl talks about how fast her bearings are, be prepared to shell out some bucks. She's probably got ceramic. If she talks about how cheap her bearings are, or how quickly she goes through them, get her a set of Mini Logos or Bones Reds for between $20-$30. (It is important to get her 16 bearings, because they are usually sold in sets of 8, for skateboards.)

Again, did you see the skates? How do the toe stops look? They wear quickly, especially if your girl jams or does a lot of turning toe stops. The occasional roller girl skates with just a set of jam plugs. These are fairly inexpensive and she'd probably love to have a spare. If you know what kind of toe stops she has or wants (here's where the derby wife comes in), you could get her a set. But if you don't know if she's got Powerdynes or Gumballs, you might have to do a little research.

Interlude: Be sure to check with the derby wife. It would really suck for you to both buy your skater the same gift.

And what about her safety equipment? If she's doing this any length of time, she probably needs new wrist guards. Next time she washes the pads, look at the brand. Pro-Tec and Triple 8 are common types. A regular set of skate wristguards run about $15. Now if she's got something fancy -- spoon-shaped brace, only one splint, gloved guards...lay off replacing it unless she's specifically asked for something. If she's still skating with her starter elbow pads, spend the $20 to get her a new set. If the derby wife tells you that your girl girl wants the new Atom elbow pads or some 187s, go for it!

Skate tools are important! If your girl has the little silver one that came with her skates, she'd probably like an upgrade. If she doesn't have one at all, she definitely needs one. Powerdyne sells a great combination axle, kingpin, and toestop wrench and it's kind of triangular. If your girl is a little handier, the Reflex Utilitool includes a bearing tool, axle rethreader, pop-out allen wrench...hell, she could take the plates off her boots with this thing. It's like a handheld fairy godmother. (I got one of these for Christmas, I love it!) If she already has the Powerdyne or is happy with her tool, Powerdyne also has a bearing tool that would make a great addition to her skate bag.

Now if you've gotten this far and are either a) so baffled it hurts or b) so awesome you've already bought all this stuff for her -- look at her derby wardrobe. A roller girl can never have enough tights. Double points if they're league colors. Buy her booty shorts, leggings, fishnets, practice tanks, tutus, sports bras... Hell maybe even get her name (in at least 2-inch characters) and number (in at least 4-inch characters) printed on a black and white shirt. Note, if you buy her lingerie, she'll wear it on the outside of her clothing and show all her teammates.

Just remember, the best gift you can give her is your support. Anything more is just bonus. So buy tickets (and sell them to everyone you know), make signs, and cheer your own personal superhero on at the next bout!

In the meanwhile...

Ok, so I've been meaning to post. I just never have time/computer access. I've scrimmaged a couple more times and started attending team practice. I enjoy team practice. I'm trying to wrap my head around all the strategy. That's why I'm hesitant to pivot. I'll jam without a thought to it, but telling other people what to do...that's rough.

I'm really enjoying granny-hood. I'm aiming for my bouting debut to be November 19th at our away game in Asheville.

I wish this update were more interesting. Saving up money to get a new computer (or get an old one fixed) so I can start posting the after-practice analyses I used to.

Sorry I failed you today, dear readers.

Intra-league Bout

The lovely ladies had a bout today, (it was my first-ever bout, so whooo!) the age-old Kitten vs. Cougar match-up. There was a previous Battle of the Ages in December of 2009, where the Cougars bested the Kittens 100-81.

For extra flavor, the ladies changed the names of the teams to the Vintage Vixens and Baby Bombshells.

Today was the birthday of both Hellin Felon and K-Rye, both Baby Bombshells.

There were only 10 or so skaters per team, meaning a lot of skating for every lady. The ladies skated hard with the Baby Bombshells taking an early lead. It was mostly a clean game, since these ladies normally skate together.

The Baby Bombshells were up at the half, and they remained ahead the whole bout. The Vixens fought hard, but the Bombshells blocked their Jammers time and time again. (It didn't hurt that one of the Jammers for the Bombshells got 3 grand slams in one jam.)

There were a few injuries. Foxy Pound took her time getting up during one jam, but she got up to jam again. And Speak'n Spanglish twerked her right shoulder something awful. The medical staff could not determine what exactly she did, she'll need x-rays for that, but she was in good spirits the rest of the bout and afterward.

The final score was 96-79 Bombshells. Good job all around ladies, and Happy Birthday to K-Rye and Hellin!